• Dorte

This man you should never date!

There are indeed men out there who are simply not worth your while and that’s when it’s good to know your worth and your boundaries! 

Even if he shows up with flowers, shows you attention and does sweet things for you when you do see him (this is often referred to as love bombing by the way), these are not the (only) types of qualities to look for in a worthwhile man.

A man who is open to commitment and emotionally available does more than just the occasional sweet gesture intended to sweep your off your feet. The right guy will have a certain emotional (and physical) presence in your life and feels available.

To know if he’s a good man for you, you can look at who is in life in general and at who he has been in the past.

A man who has never shown desire to commit in the past, for instance a man who reaches mid-life and had never been married or had children, is unlikely to be a good fit for you if you are looking for someone who will commit, or if you yourself have children from a previous relationship that still play a big part in your life, and even less so if you would like to marry again or have a family.

The best way to be sure is of course to ask him. If he has never been married before, it’s a natural thing to want to understand why that is, which will show you if he feels that he just never met the right person before or if in fact he thinks he never will simply because he is not interested in marriage. Some men (and some women) just aren’t.

Having your own separate interests and satisfying individual lives as well as the life you share as a couple is super healthy. In fact it’s essential for a long lasting relationship. 

If you’re with a man who is always very busy with his own things or seems to prioritise other things or people over you in a consistent way - or who expects you to make way more compromises than he does - then you need to decide if this is something you feel good with and if this is going where you want to go. 

Having a conversation with him to understand if he is conscious of this is a good place to start and if he says that he loves to spend time with you but never actually changes any behaviour, then you can be quite sure that he never will. It can feel both confusing and disappointing but he’s not ready for more and his priorities lie elsewhere so you are better off accepting this and moving on. 

Some men are immature and shy away from responsibilities preferring to live lives as free spirits, some are just in a place in their lives where a full-time relationship is not what they want right now and some men just aren’t looking for commitment for whatever reason and never will do. 

Your choice is to see this for what it is and choose a companion who matches what you are looking for in life, not to try to change someone into what you want. It won’t happen.

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